One week ago, I experienced one of the hardest truths of life as an adult. I experienced the death of my sweet 89 year old Nanaw. The nanaw who was at every holiday with me since being born, the one who took me to the lake when I was young, the one who I lived with in college, the one who came over while living in Abilene just to see me and my little newborn Addie, the one I sat with at church, and most of all the one who held everyone of my girls as babies. My nanaw, a woman who loved life, who was devoted and loved her family dearly.
I had a feeling it was going to be hard for me but I had no idea the void that fills me now as to know she's not present with us. Crying my eyes out, I told Ryan this is the hardest part, for me, as a believer in Christ. I celebrate and rejoice she sits and sings with the Savior of the world but how I long to talk to her one last time, to hear her sweet voice, to serve her once more. I am thankful she is no longer in pain. She is made complete now and FULLY knows God's grace. Two nights ago, I sat against my bathroom floor to finish the last 2 pages of a chapter in my book, and right then and there God filled my heart with peace as I read words from my book called Stepping Heavenward. Let me give you an idea of what's happening. Katy (the main character and the one who journals about her life is talking to a woman she highly respects and visits to talk about God, life, etc. The lady is about to die and lays sick while Katy is visiting her. This is what the lady shares about herself on her dying bed.....)
Here is what it said...
"Yes, I am tired." she said, "but what of that? It is only a question of days now, and all my tired feelings will be over. Then I shall be as young and as fresh as ever and shall have strength to praise and love God as I cannot do now."
Then Katy says about her friend..."But I can truly thank God that one more "tired traveler" has had a sweet "welcome home."
Thank you Jesus for those words. As I long to talk to nanaw one last time, to see my mom and her siblings look over their mom and cry as this is the final journey of their mom's life, to see my cousins cry, and watch my husband celebrate and lift nanaw's body and spirit up to the Lord, I AM REMINDED THESE WORDS. A "tired traveler" who was "welcomed home." Thank you, thank you as these words somehow bring me comfort this day. One week ago, I touched and looked at my sweet nanaw's face and hands. I am thankful for sweet, memorable moments with her that are forever embedded in my heart and soul.
She is now young and fresh as ever!
I love you Nanaw.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
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4 comments:
I'm so very sorry, Kara! This was a very beautiful post about your Nanaw! I hope the memories ya'll have of her continue to bring you comfort!
Kara, thank you for sharing such a sweet post about your Nanaw and your loss. I was so sad that I couldn't be at the service to support you guys - we love you all so much.
Back in September my youth pastor's wife suddenly died, and she was a huge spiritual mentor for me. I read "The Shack" the week between her death and her memorial service while we were in Gulf Shores - God used that book in a huge way to minister to me. In what has been my first real, hard loss of a loved one for me, He revealed the amazing ability to rejoice that not only is our loved one in His presence now, but in truly a short time we'll see them again. Wow! I found myself so jealous that Ruth was now in the presence of her savior and experiencing such complete and perfect love - I wanted to be there, too! We have such an investment in heaven, even more reason to pray "May your kingdom come, Lord Jesus"
I'm going to keep praying for y'all - love you!
Great words. I know it doesn't fill the emptiness, but it does (or will) bring comfort and peace in time. It's always a pull between the selfishness of one more moment here with us, in brokenness and pain; and joy, because they are in completeness and healing with our Father. Treasure those precious memories that you were given and share them with your girls.
I definitely think God speaks to us in many ways, especially books. Your book spoke to you and helped you with Nanaw's passing.
For me, it was my Great Writers of the Western World class. I dreaded the class--the teacher had a bad reputation and I just don't like to read that kind of stuff (stuff I have to analyze). One of the stories we had to read was "The Gilting of Granny Witherall" -- which I read as "just homework." I went on to read "Because I could not stop death" and many other stories/poems about death -- again just homework. Not even a week later, my Grandma passed. If you haven't read Granny Witherall, it's about a grandma going in and out of conscienciousness and finally dying. Never in a million years would I have imagined how that story would have affected me. When my Mom called and said Grandma didn't have much time, I immediately thought of that story and I wanted to race to Grandma's side and be with her as she passed. I missed that opportunity and that saddens me. But I know she is in a wonderful place now. I rejoice in the fact that she is in Heaven picking sea shells with Mommie (my great-Grandma).
I now embrace the sea shells she and Mommie collected as treasures instead of dust collectors.
And I embrace literature a little more too. HA!
Rejoice that Nanaw is in Heaven telling others about you and your beautiful family.
(((hugs)))
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